he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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