you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
