My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
