Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
