i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Randomize
