Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
My vagina is very pro this idea
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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