I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
