I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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