the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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