If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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