No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
