In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
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