Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
