There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
