i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
