i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
