Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
