i always forget guys have bellybuttons
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
