Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
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