He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
