she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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