my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
