mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
