Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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