Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I think I sprained my soul last night
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
