im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
