i think my tv is drunk
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Randomize
