This is not my ceiling
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
