yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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