she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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