Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
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Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
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I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
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