you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
