I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
