If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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