I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just want to make out with him forever
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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