at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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