'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
