how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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