she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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