All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
