I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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