Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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