Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
