I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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