I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
