I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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