He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
