oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
