i barfeds in our rink
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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