I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
