I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
