I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
