Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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