I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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