I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
