Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
