i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
