i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
