turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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