I heard we made out
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
