I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
