All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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