Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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