Your mouth is God's brothel.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
