We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
