1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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