I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
