Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
