The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
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you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
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I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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