His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
