I think i peed on brittanys purse
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
