K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
