Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
