why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
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