A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
