we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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