You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
