Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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