Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
