I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
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What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
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Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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