Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
